i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize