Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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