Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
