My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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