you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
