Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
