I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
