I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
