My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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