Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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