bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
