i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
