I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
