Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
