am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
