would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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