Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
