Got a toothbrush?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
