I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
