Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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