My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
