Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
