Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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