i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
