Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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