Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
