Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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