What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
