sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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