Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
