sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
