Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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