I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
