she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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