actually, I'm a sock model
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
