I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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