oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
