So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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