Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
