This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
No subtext here. People are naked.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
