Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They took my balls.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize