At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He uses pillows to masturbate.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
