I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
