hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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