The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
