There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
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