You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
