idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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