nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
