my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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