i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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