I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
only if we run a train.
done.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize