I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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