I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
