My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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