dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize