we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
