the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
