You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
