So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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